Then I felt fine. Just like always. What happened next was unexpected and I got stupidly scared. I felt nauseous, and that was strange.
I fell down on my kitchen floor and told my boyfriend that I did not feel good. As I lay down, my next logical, but not really logical, thought was “take me to the hospital”. Though he knew I was going to be just fine.
My entire body started to dissipate or… separate itself from my being. Dissociate. My arms and legs lost their purpose, I closed my eyes and felt myself extend in every direction, like I was being pulled. I just kept repeating “I can’t feel my body”. For the longest time I could only feel a twisted memory of my body and my mind was beyond the physical.
And then I was floating.
After a long time of not feeling like I could do anything at all, I opened my eyes and started giggling and saying things I can’t remember just now. The only thing I do remember saying is that my boyfriend had ketchup cheeks and that when I kissed him I felt like a little girl kissing a little boy.
I might have actually enjoyed all of this, the moment it happened, if I hadn’t been so uneasy.
Artwork by Gewel Kafka